Stop fooling yourself. I have met so many acquaintances and even good friends that are not out to there parents or at least there mothers. This confuses me so. I understand that everyone has a time that is right for them on coming out...However I guarantee you that 98.9 percent of the time...your mother already knows. This really cracks me up. I do realize that sometimes it is really hard to utilize those things we have called words but...safe yourself some heartache, pain, time etc. Don't worry about it. It seems like moms weather you are close are not...can just tell and sense things especially if its the obvious. I remember one time when I was staying with my mom in Tyler. I was talking to this guy named Taylor...Head over heels and we stopped I was pretty upset with everything and was in my room crying when my mom walked by my bedroom and goes "we don't cry over men" which now based upon what happened with her is a little contradicting but anyway I'm sure you get my point. I just find this really funny.
Keegan
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My Mothers Child
It brings me warmth to have memories of my mom. Certain things that I do remind me of her a lot. If you had the chance to know her you will know that she had a major attitude problem much like myself. :) but at the same time could be the most giving, kind person ever. She could work 20 hours plus then come home and serve everyone else before she would even set down and eat. amazing! She would randomly send flowers just so people knew she cared...you get the point.
As my aunt pointed out - not only do I have my mothers DNA but I was raised by Barbara...this meaning I can be moody, short tempered, snap at any moment and who knows what else..haha! isn't that great. Much like a Pit Bull! CAUTION! :)
Well yesterday (Saturday) I was in such a great mood. I'm not sure what it is but I have become more of a morning person. I feel more productive. Well the day started off great. I have always worked with people whether it is by sales, resourcing, human resources whatever... always around the general public. Well I am in a really good mood and this girl approaches my desk and is wearing Cici's pizza attire...$4.99 buffet is what I am thinking... I am nice to her...I follow our guidelines and ask for her name and how I can help her and to see an id...the customer refuses to help me and won't even tell me her name. At that point she really isn't even a customer if I can't validate her account. She told me that her phone isn't working...This I really don't need to open an account for so I take the back off the phone to check it out and it clearly has liquid in it...I go "miss there is water in your phone...look..." then with a sassy Latina voice and attitude she goes " it's not water ... stupid ... it's oil" HAHA are you fucking kidding me? not only did she call me stupid she is a fucking moron! At this point I try and keep my cool and I get my bitch on in a way that I can't get in trouble with...
It turns out she wanted to exchange the phone and stuff but didn't have receipts - I wouldn't help her but a co worker did. Gah!
anyway while I am there reminding myself of who that attitude reminded me of I started laughing and left early! to finish off a then great afternoon.
I am much like my mother in some ways.
Yesterday I had a date with this kid that I know - well kid he is 21 and I just turned 22...not much difference. There was really a connection that I had not ever before noticed. We ourselves are a lot a like as far as pickyness, habits, the way we think etc. I was amazed. It's fun really getting to know someone. At the end of the night I walked him to his car and he thanked me for letting him come over...
and later texted me "goodnight babe" now in the crazy dating world this could mean so many different things. Now I just have to go with it...wait it out pretty much.
this is the hard part. You must not allow yourself to seem needy or possessive etc.
I often coach my friends, cougars etc on relationships now I just have to follow my own homework. Wish me luck.
Keegan
As my aunt pointed out - not only do I have my mothers DNA but I was raised by Barbara...this meaning I can be moody, short tempered, snap at any moment and who knows what else..haha! isn't that great. Much like a Pit Bull! CAUTION! :)
Well yesterday (Saturday) I was in such a great mood. I'm not sure what it is but I have become more of a morning person. I feel more productive. Well the day started off great. I have always worked with people whether it is by sales, resourcing, human resources whatever... always around the general public. Well I am in a really good mood and this girl approaches my desk and is wearing Cici's pizza attire...$4.99 buffet is what I am thinking... I am nice to her...I follow our guidelines and ask for her name and how I can help her and to see an id...the customer refuses to help me and won't even tell me her name. At that point she really isn't even a customer if I can't validate her account. She told me that her phone isn't working...This I really don't need to open an account for so I take the back off the phone to check it out and it clearly has liquid in it...I go "miss there is water in your phone...look..." then with a sassy Latina voice and attitude she goes " it's not water ... stupid ... it's oil" HAHA are you fucking kidding me? not only did she call me stupid she is a fucking moron! At this point I try and keep my cool and I get my bitch on in a way that I can't get in trouble with...
It turns out she wanted to exchange the phone and stuff but didn't have receipts - I wouldn't help her but a co worker did. Gah!
anyway while I am there reminding myself of who that attitude reminded me of I started laughing and left early! to finish off a then great afternoon.
I am much like my mother in some ways.
Yesterday I had a date with this kid that I know - well kid he is 21 and I just turned 22...not much difference. There was really a connection that I had not ever before noticed. We ourselves are a lot a like as far as pickyness, habits, the way we think etc. I was amazed. It's fun really getting to know someone. At the end of the night I walked him to his car and he thanked me for letting him come over...
and later texted me "goodnight babe" now in the crazy dating world this could mean so many different things. Now I just have to go with it...wait it out pretty much.
this is the hard part. You must not allow yourself to seem needy or possessive etc.
I often coach my friends, cougars etc on relationships now I just have to follow my own homework. Wish me luck.
Keegan
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Life As You Know It
Today was a pretty great day...It's nice to have these every once in awhile. I worked this morning and my boss met with me to discuss my goals and she said that "I am on fire" as far as how I am doing so far! If you know my track record normally...this is amazing that she said this about me. Now I just need to keep it up. I really don't know what I have changed to help get me out of my rut except my attitude and I try to help as many people as I can.
After work I borrowed one of my friends trucks and finally moved my bed (the last of what was left in storage.) I have a slay bed and it is crazy big as far as head board and the foot board etc. A real bitch to move. Over the past two weeks it seems I have been moving my stuff from the storage I rented little at a time. It's really hard to move in a coupe. My roommate Ryan helped me with his vehicle as well...the bed seemed to be the only thing lurking and haunting me and also making me pay rent daily!
Since I was short on time..."time" it always seems to be an issue with me. Anyway...I couldn't wait and get anyone to help me so I did it on my own. Your thinking "oh big deal" yeah fucking right...if you know me at all you know that I am not the most creative person sometimes especially when it comes to moving and packing. I managed to load up the truck alone within maybe 20 minutes. Impressive.
It feels so nice to have my bed back in my new room. and it feels more like home. Yay.
I feel accomplished.
Now I feel I must sleep.
After work I borrowed one of my friends trucks and finally moved my bed (the last of what was left in storage.) I have a slay bed and it is crazy big as far as head board and the foot board etc. A real bitch to move. Over the past two weeks it seems I have been moving my stuff from the storage I rented little at a time. It's really hard to move in a coupe. My roommate Ryan helped me with his vehicle as well...the bed seemed to be the only thing lurking and haunting me and also making me pay rent daily!
Since I was short on time..."time" it always seems to be an issue with me. Anyway...I couldn't wait and get anyone to help me so I did it on my own. Your thinking "oh big deal" yeah fucking right...if you know me at all you know that I am not the most creative person sometimes especially when it comes to moving and packing. I managed to load up the truck alone within maybe 20 minutes. Impressive.
It feels so nice to have my bed back in my new room. and it feels more like home. Yay.
I feel accomplished.
Now I feel I must sleep.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Trusting Your Sig Other
Trust is something that I really struggle with. Especially when it comes to relationships. As I continue to get older there are certain aspects of a relationship
that I just crave. However, I am willing to let those aspects subside because of my trust issues...Sadly I am ok with that. I'm choosing to write about something that I really keep private. My love life...if you call it that. A lot of my friends make jokes about the guys that I date or hook up with. I myself have never really noticed it being an issue until now. I would honestly say that 95% of the guys that I date are married, in the process of a divorce - yet still married, or are in a "serious"-yet not so serious relationship. This happens unintentionally...I promise. It makes me think though...so many of these women believe that they are in great happy relationships when really...it is far from it. Tim - My latest has been the most interesting. I really do like him a lot...and it is mutual...however...I know he has cheated on her with me and even left her...should I then trust him for what we might have. Get what I'm saying? crazy.
I have now stayed in the new apartment for a full week - I think. I love it. I really will have to get used to the traffic...it is madness. Other then that
it is really low key and relaxing. The roommate (Ryan) is so laid back and into music and stuff so he seems pretty cool. Tonight we ventured to Arlington to "try" and move some of my remaining furniture. We had pizza and while there eating we saw a really pale older white man - well his ass literally ate his sweat shorts - of course with help from others I started laughing hysterically. Then shortly after we saw a "special" girl who appeared to have down syndrome run to the bathroom...then she sat right behind Ryan and sharted. He pretty much laughed so loud and later felt the need to vomit in the parking lot. I think the feeling was mutual between the three of us.
What an interesting day to say the least.
that I just crave. However, I am willing to let those aspects subside because of my trust issues...Sadly I am ok with that. I'm choosing to write about something that I really keep private. My love life...if you call it that. A lot of my friends make jokes about the guys that I date or hook up with. I myself have never really noticed it being an issue until now. I would honestly say that 95% of the guys that I date are married, in the process of a divorce - yet still married, or are in a "serious"-yet not so serious relationship. This happens unintentionally...I promise. It makes me think though...so many of these women believe that they are in great happy relationships when really...it is far from it. Tim - My latest has been the most interesting. I really do like him a lot...and it is mutual...however...I know he has cheated on her with me and even left her...should I then trust him for what we might have. Get what I'm saying? crazy.
I have now stayed in the new apartment for a full week - I think. I love it. I really will have to get used to the traffic...it is madness. Other then that
it is really low key and relaxing. The roommate (Ryan) is so laid back and into music and stuff so he seems pretty cool. Tonight we ventured to Arlington to "try" and move some of my remaining furniture. We had pizza and while there eating we saw a really pale older white man - well his ass literally ate his sweat shorts - of course with help from others I started laughing hysterically. Then shortly after we saw a "special" girl who appeared to have down syndrome run to the bathroom...then she sat right behind Ryan and sharted. He pretty much laughed so loud and later felt the need to vomit in the parking lot. I think the feeling was mutual between the three of us.
What an interesting day to say the least.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Set The Right Expectations
"But I ended up having the ability to appreciate this strangeness I found, an ability to use it for something better."
Since I last blogged... A lot of stuff has changed. I moved out of my last living arrangement, Moved into the new place (for the most part)...So far I have started out this new month at work at a strong pace so that is always a plus.
More on the downfall to all of this though...I called my grandmother again! I know I know I said that I was finished with her. I really tried and had that mind set...but she has just always been there for me and played such a vital role in my life... I hate the abandonment feeling. This is where this blog gets interesting.
As the routine normally goes...she is calm very normal acting...then out of nowhere she is like "Oh so your talking to me now...last time you were here you wouldn't talk...and aren't you going to apologize for exposing yourself to me..." I was like what the hell are you talking about?... Now keep in mind I haven't seen her in over a year. Every time I think about calling her...I know that it is a possibility that the conversation might crash. This time it literally took everything out of me. I cannot continue to go on like this with her.
It reminds me of the way my mom was before things got all messed up. It is like she is somebody else. Not the person I knew at all. That person is gone. The false pretense here is that I keep telling myself that if I don't give up on her...it will with the help of some miracle fix itself and it will be like it used to be. Wishful thinking. I do miss her...But I guess what they say is true. Everything must come to an end at some point. Tonight when I told her that I love her...she didn't say it back. Game over.
On another note...besides some what if's and whys...I think I am happy for the most part. I am at least trying to be. I am really tired of this "glass half full or glass half empty shit."
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